Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Bessie...

It sounds like; "Help me..save me.." but it keeps getting fainter and fainter, the sounds disappearing as though vanishing into some unknown abyss. And then without warning, the deep voice echoes out of the darkness; "She's mine now.." Then the voice laughs, a cruel, hideous cackle that chills my bones and jolts me awake. It was a dream. But it was reality. Pushing away my blanket, I stretch my hand to the other side of the bed. It is cold. Cold and empty. She's gone. Gone right before my eyes. My heart grows sad and a deep pit forms in my stomach. Thus begins my day, as it has been for weeks now. Breakfast is a blur. I eat the food, but I don't see it. Spoonful after spoonful of cereal entering my mouth in programmed motions. I am conscious of hunger, but I have no appetite. The simple joy of eating has fled me, and what I once loved is now mere activity. I keep remembering that day. I keep seeing her face. It was all my fault. As she walked out the door that morning in March, I knew. I am not clairvoyant, but I swear I knew as she walked out that she wasn't coming back. She wasn't..not except I went after her. Except I ran after her. But I didn't. I am stubborn and now I see where that has gotten me. I remember that day. Tears warm my cheeks as I drive to work. My concentration is split, but experience and instinct prevent accident. Not like I care. What do I work for? Who do I work for now that she's gone? Why bother? I smile a little. Those were my thoughts in those late days of March; Why bother? I drowned myself in alcohol then though, with a cluster of friends and a bevy of ladies to assist in drinking my booze and spending my money. Those were hazy days, the hours merging into one another. The stupor helped me forget, until morning and night were only differentiated by hangovers. Until I saw her. A car is honking behind me. It seems I am driving too slow. I don't blame the driver, he never had and lost what I had. No one else did. No one else... When I saw her, I stopped. I was in one of my more lucid moments when I saw her. I saw her in a picture. A picture of me and my Bessie. My partner.. The memories come flooding in. I and Bessie had been together for so long. We understood each other, we spoke a language only us could understand. At first my friends didn't approve of her and our bond, but in time they too grew to like and love her. We went everywhere together. She protected me, I loved her; it was simple. Until that day. The memory hurts so much I squeeze my eyes to hold back the tears. The job had been telling on me. I was working late hours and Bessie didn't like it. She let me know, but I wouldn't care. Then that morning, she just walked out. I called her, but she ignored me. I called out her name, but she just looked at me with those big brown, puppy eyes and kept moving. She wanted me to get up from my desk. To come after her. But I am stubborn. I stuck to my Microsoft Excel sheets and I waited for her, but she never came back. It's been four weeks now. She never came back. My cheeks are wet again, the tears flow freely now as I drive into my office parking lot and remember our picture. We had taken it right there. The picture of me and my Bessie. Me and my dog. Bessie the dog...

4 comments:

  1. @HandleOfTheYearMay 1, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    I like the realistic alternation between the conscious and unconscious!and also the need to read through again in search for clues to what genera you might have been referring to all along. So much emotion for a dog?

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  2. lol..it's why evn his friends were weirded out...

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  3. Guy... Yr bessie huh? O such a luvly story... Al 4 a mute. Touching.

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