Disappointments rarely, if ever, present themselves as stepping stones, on the contrary, they come across as large blocks of ice which hem us in, cutting us off from our hopes and dreams, driving us deeper and deeper into ourselves, until after a while we're a simple shell of what we once were.
In truth though, disappointments are not a terrible thing, if anything, you could describe them as a necessary part of one's existence. But like death, or sickness, we all strive to avoid disappointments. And like death or sickness, it catches up with us every time. And as with every thing in life, there are stages, so also with disappointment.
First, you have the ........... This stage differs among various people. For some, you have crying, for some you have silence and quiet, but whichever it is, it doesn't last very long, and it is a prelude for what comes next.
Then you have the Outrage, when you just want to lash out, hit back at a target: yourself, the messenger of such bad news, a loved one, etc. This stage is often quite violent, especially if your ....... stage was filled with crying, in which case we'll probably have a tantrum on our hands.
Then, after that, you go into another stage, which involves withdrawal. I'll call this the Brooding stage. A lot of thinking is involved at this stage. You go back every detail, you re-examine the sequence of events, you try in every way you can to figure out what could have gone wrong, and once again, you lay blame. And then, u make the Decision.
This is the fourth phase of facing disappointments. Most of the time, the decision made at this point holds no substance, as it is rash and sooner or later, you forget all about it. But for that moment, that thought is supreme and inviolate in ur sub-concious. And most of the time, it's the wrong call.
It is immediately after this point that you go into a form of Denial. In your mind, you've re-examined the sequence of events, and you have discovered the obvious: it was meant to be. There is no way your plan would have worked anyway. Whether it was a business investment, a job application or a relationship, you weren't smart enough, you weren't good enough and he/she just didn't love you enough.
Disappointments are like funny infectious diseases. When you catch one, it runs its course but how it's handled determines whether it's going to leave behind scars, a (worse and debilitating) opportunistic illness (ignore the lingo, I am a microbiologist after all) or an immunity to further disappointments of that kind. The Denial phase determines which line your disappointment is going to toe.
And now, you Determine. This is the final stage of handling your disappointment. In a true illness, we'll call this convalescence (yes, I did go to school). What you determine is a consequence of what effect Denial had on you. And that effect like I did say, would go a long way in determining the sort of person you turn out to be. But, unlike the other phases, this one actually relies on outside influence. The presence or absence of people, friends or family joining you to cope with this goes a long way in determining the final outcome. If they encourage you, sometimes, you're pushed to surpass what limits were there before and pulsating heatedly within that block of ice in which you were trapped by the disappointment, you reach out, arms stretched and grab that which you sought, and with the faith of your friend lending wings to your feet, you fly above all impossibility and achieve even more than what you originally set out for.
But then again, things could go differently...
Just saying.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Appreciations!
The Shire
1:35pm
15th Jan, 2012.
I am writing again with emotions churning in my heart and a large lump in my throat.
Now, I haven't written anything in a while, and maybe it's because my thoughts have not been clear or my emotions have been in a constant state of flux. Nevertheless, today, I was in church, (Boko be damned!), and I heard the little voice, and it said, "Appreciations!"
In everything I have written for a very long time, I have tried my utmost to be objective, un-biased, and not let my work be subject to any religion, ethnic code or whatnot. I have tried to represent all I can, while talking about Human Nature and upholding Morality(a little). But today, I may shift a little, today I would subscribe to religion, scream I am a Christian and say, Appreciations!
We live our lives, our very day-to-day existence in a world compounded at all ends with different forms of danger. The ability to survive a minute is testament to resilience. At every single moment, we are so engrossed in the need to survive that we forget to sit back, remember and thank GOD for the small mercies.
It's the third week of the year, time is flying on winged steeds, and already we have experienced enough troubles to last an eon. Hairs have added gray, faces have added lines and my previously smooth face has a very prickly stubble. And upon our hearts are burdens, heavy and great. But there are still the small mercies.
There are many nations which have experienced less than a quarter of what we have seen this year and become embroiled in bloody war and revolution. I admit that I stay in relatively calm Benin city and most of the violence has occured in places far from me, and the accounts that I have heard are probably watered-down stories with almost no significance, but still, Appreciations!
I solemnly sympathize with those who have lost family and friends since the beginning of this violence. I would not claim to understand, but I can empathize a little as I have lost close family members too, but never in such an eruption of avoidable violence. I can imagine the heart-wrenching pain and grief in your hearts. I can imagine the anger directed at those perpetrators of evil and at no one in particular. I can imagine the urge to strike back at faceless evil and Death itself. I can imagine hurt and pain and sadness. Tears well up in my eyes even as I write, but nevertheless, Appreciations!
The man would say, it is only in retrospect that we would know if things could have been worse or better whether by one way or another, I would not claim any understanding of these things, just, Appreciations!
Now, I subscribe to Christianity. I believe in GOD, Creator of Heavens and the Earth, Father of All, and I know that all things that happen are decreed by him. I know that whatever may occur, and at whatever time, has been foreseen of him and happens for his purpose. I cannot claim to know the purpose for which we have seen these evil times, neither can I say what the future holds, but I know that in all this chaos, is purpose, and reason.
Hearts of Kings, and the Gears by which the affairs of this world are controlled lie in the hand of GOD and despite their 'unreasonability', He has His reasons. So for the simple mercies of the breath of life, the scent of dew in the morning, the feel of the sun on our face or the light caress of wind on our skin, the fact that the country still stands and with the knowledge that all would be clear at fruition, I thank the LORD.
Someone said, the crisis of the nation has brought together the Christian and Muslim family, especially those in the North, speaking in one voice and uniting. I wonder, in a strange illustration of "Calamity creating the strangest of bedfellows", would hurt and pain be the panacea for our nation? The thoughts trouble me, my mind races and tries to find answers and reason, but in it all, I am certain of order, and purpose, all for our good, by the name of Jesus Christ.
Appreciations!
P.S: I wrote this on Sunday, before the Presidential broadcast or the labour announcement.
P.S.S: Appreciation doesn't really have a plural term, does it??
1:35pm
15th Jan, 2012.
I am writing again with emotions churning in my heart and a large lump in my throat.
Now, I haven't written anything in a while, and maybe it's because my thoughts have not been clear or my emotions have been in a constant state of flux. Nevertheless, today, I was in church, (Boko be damned!), and I heard the little voice, and it said, "Appreciations!"
In everything I have written for a very long time, I have tried my utmost to be objective, un-biased, and not let my work be subject to any religion, ethnic code or whatnot. I have tried to represent all I can, while talking about Human Nature and upholding Morality(a little). But today, I may shift a little, today I would subscribe to religion, scream I am a Christian and say, Appreciations!
We live our lives, our very day-to-day existence in a world compounded at all ends with different forms of danger. The ability to survive a minute is testament to resilience. At every single moment, we are so engrossed in the need to survive that we forget to sit back, remember and thank GOD for the small mercies.
It's the third week of the year, time is flying on winged steeds, and already we have experienced enough troubles to last an eon. Hairs have added gray, faces have added lines and my previously smooth face has a very prickly stubble. And upon our hearts are burdens, heavy and great. But there are still the small mercies.
There are many nations which have experienced less than a quarter of what we have seen this year and become embroiled in bloody war and revolution. I admit that I stay in relatively calm Benin city and most of the violence has occured in places far from me, and the accounts that I have heard are probably watered-down stories with almost no significance, but still, Appreciations!
I solemnly sympathize with those who have lost family and friends since the beginning of this violence. I would not claim to understand, but I can empathize a little as I have lost close family members too, but never in such an eruption of avoidable violence. I can imagine the heart-wrenching pain and grief in your hearts. I can imagine the anger directed at those perpetrators of evil and at no one in particular. I can imagine the urge to strike back at faceless evil and Death itself. I can imagine hurt and pain and sadness. Tears well up in my eyes even as I write, but nevertheless, Appreciations!
The man would say, it is only in retrospect that we would know if things could have been worse or better whether by one way or another, I would not claim any understanding of these things, just, Appreciations!
Now, I subscribe to Christianity. I believe in GOD, Creator of Heavens and the Earth, Father of All, and I know that all things that happen are decreed by him. I know that whatever may occur, and at whatever time, has been foreseen of him and happens for his purpose. I cannot claim to know the purpose for which we have seen these evil times, neither can I say what the future holds, but I know that in all this chaos, is purpose, and reason.
Hearts of Kings, and the Gears by which the affairs of this world are controlled lie in the hand of GOD and despite their 'unreasonability', He has His reasons. So for the simple mercies of the breath of life, the scent of dew in the morning, the feel of the sun on our face or the light caress of wind on our skin, the fact that the country still stands and with the knowledge that all would be clear at fruition, I thank the LORD.
Someone said, the crisis of the nation has brought together the Christian and Muslim family, especially those in the North, speaking in one voice and uniting. I wonder, in a strange illustration of "Calamity creating the strangest of bedfellows", would hurt and pain be the panacea for our nation? The thoughts trouble me, my mind races and tries to find answers and reason, but in it all, I am certain of order, and purpose, all for our good, by the name of Jesus Christ.
Appreciations!
P.S: I wrote this on Sunday, before the Presidential broadcast or the labour announcement.
P.S.S: Appreciation doesn't really have a plural term, does it??
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Clarion call..
These are sacred words I am about to put down. Words from my soul, words of my heart.
It pains me to the very fabric of my being to write this, so soon, so early into the year. But everyone is having a say, and I had better before it is too late, before there is no more time for speech.
In this country today, everyone is talking about protests and revolutions. Illustrations are being drawn and analogies compared to North African students who set themselves on fire and the fate of Nigeria is at the forefront of discussions and when we should celebrate and be happy at our 'crossover' into the new year, we rue and cry and scream and bicker.
The issue of fuel subsidy, Boko Haram and related matters cannot be over emphasized, but it would do us all a lot of good if some downplaying went into the narration of our tale of woes. Nobody is happy about the problems or hurdles the country us passing through right now, but they are hurdles and they are being passed or would be eventually. Like Nelson said, we should "Wait and see". It is imperative that we all keep our calm, and reason to resolve.
Analysts, wizened old men with potbellies the size of Banquo's cauldron and pockets full of thick wads of cash, sit behind their desks and cry murder. They scream that only a bloody revolution would restore this country, a revolution in which we, the youths would have to fight.
Old men don't war. Old men don't care.
They have decided to use us, to bring the impertinence of the youth to bear and press upon him the urge to instigate war. Various messages have been flying across the media, carrying various purported tales about the need to fight and all of them are targeted at the youth! They want to push us to war! Do we know what a revolution is? Basically, we are talking about a war between the people and...the people! And at the end, what do we have? What do we get out of it? Looking at South Sudan, just a few months old and an incessant bickering has started among the people and d flickers of another hatred threaten to ignite the nation in another war! Look at Libya and the jostle for power among the Party members. Taking leaves from the books of history and the French and the Russians, and we ask ourselves, oh Nigeria, is this what we want?
Freedom is won by the blood and sweat of enemies and patriots, but not unity. Unity is won by dialogue and companionship and brotherhood. Freedom is what we have, already. Unity is what we need.
Let us assume we have a revolution. Alongst what lines shall we settle our differences? Socio-economic?[With the poor fighting the rich? As it was in Russia about a century ago] Ethnic lines? Religious differences? We are so diverse in this nation, but unlike the pessimistic antagonists would prefer to think, in our diversity lies our strength.
I am a young person. I am a Nigerian. I was born in this country, and I have since childhood stood at assembly with my classmates and peers, and before the flag, swore, (under democracy and in junta), that I will be, "...Faithful, Loyal and Honest..." that I will, "...serve Nigeria with all my Strength..." and most of all, I would, "...defend her Unity and uphold her Honour..."
I will always believe in my country, that is my Faith. I will speak true and Honestly. I will be Loyal to her, not being ready to spring up and betray her at the first sign of trouble. I will serve her to my utmost capacity, defending her Unity against those who would seek to split her in two. And I would uphold her Honour; she would not be become a war-torn state, not on my watch.
That is the charge; a Clarion call for us as Nigerians. Set aside insane thoughts of revolution my brothers and sisters. We would sit and discuss and plan the future of our nation.
God help us..
It pains me to the very fabric of my being to write this, so soon, so early into the year. But everyone is having a say, and I had better before it is too late, before there is no more time for speech.
In this country today, everyone is talking about protests and revolutions. Illustrations are being drawn and analogies compared to North African students who set themselves on fire and the fate of Nigeria is at the forefront of discussions and when we should celebrate and be happy at our 'crossover' into the new year, we rue and cry and scream and bicker.
The issue of fuel subsidy, Boko Haram and related matters cannot be over emphasized, but it would do us all a lot of good if some downplaying went into the narration of our tale of woes. Nobody is happy about the problems or hurdles the country us passing through right now, but they are hurdles and they are being passed or would be eventually. Like Nelson said, we should "Wait and see". It is imperative that we all keep our calm, and reason to resolve.
Analysts, wizened old men with potbellies the size of Banquo's cauldron and pockets full of thick wads of cash, sit behind their desks and cry murder. They scream that only a bloody revolution would restore this country, a revolution in which we, the youths would have to fight.
Old men don't war. Old men don't care.
They have decided to use us, to bring the impertinence of the youth to bear and press upon him the urge to instigate war. Various messages have been flying across the media, carrying various purported tales about the need to fight and all of them are targeted at the youth! They want to push us to war! Do we know what a revolution is? Basically, we are talking about a war between the people and...the people! And at the end, what do we have? What do we get out of it? Looking at South Sudan, just a few months old and an incessant bickering has started among the people and d flickers of another hatred threaten to ignite the nation in another war! Look at Libya and the jostle for power among the Party members. Taking leaves from the books of history and the French and the Russians, and we ask ourselves, oh Nigeria, is this what we want?
Freedom is won by the blood and sweat of enemies and patriots, but not unity. Unity is won by dialogue and companionship and brotherhood. Freedom is what we have, already. Unity is what we need.
Let us assume we have a revolution. Alongst what lines shall we settle our differences? Socio-economic?[With the poor fighting the rich? As it was in Russia about a century ago] Ethnic lines? Religious differences? We are so diverse in this nation, but unlike the pessimistic antagonists would prefer to think, in our diversity lies our strength.
I am a young person. I am a Nigerian. I was born in this country, and I have since childhood stood at assembly with my classmates and peers, and before the flag, swore, (under democracy and in junta), that I will be, "...Faithful, Loyal and Honest..." that I will, "...serve Nigeria with all my Strength..." and most of all, I would, "...defend her Unity and uphold her Honour..."
I will always believe in my country, that is my Faith. I will speak true and Honestly. I will be Loyal to her, not being ready to spring up and betray her at the first sign of trouble. I will serve her to my utmost capacity, defending her Unity against those who would seek to split her in two. And I would uphold her Honour; she would not be become a war-torn state, not on my watch.
That is the charge; a Clarion call for us as Nigerians. Set aside insane thoughts of revolution my brothers and sisters. We would sit and discuss and plan the future of our nation.
God help us..
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