Okay, so I was looking through my collection of stuff I've written like ages ago and I came across this...(stil thinking of a word to define it) piece and I wondered if someone could decode for me:
''I hear the bells ringing, silent peals echoing down from the hills. A warning, a message. The time has come. The demons are here.
The voices in my head are silent, but only for a moment, then they cry out loudly, clashing sounds and vibrations that threaten to make me madder than I am now. But there is no point. The Devil is here already..the end has come.
I see blood in the skies, a deepening red that seeks to overcome the Heavens. A heart of forgiveness is erased and anger and hatred dwell deeply within and it seeks to possess me and keep me. I will not fight it. I embrace it. Death is willing.
The old man in the leathery cloak seeks to grab me and i walk to him with arms widespread. I embrace death and give in willingly..I die and live not even in spirit. This is d end. Nothing more will be said, nothing else can be. I am gone. It's over. I am dead.
Nakedness.''
Okay, this is it, wat the hell did that mean??? Who ends a piece about blood and fear and resignation with 'Nakedness'??? I guess I'll look on the bright side and say, this simply explains that there is certainly room for improvement. Lol...
I am happy today, sleepy and happy..maybe lata.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Love...the lie
It's all it takes for me to pick the pen, (figuratively), a slight burst of emotions.
It's her again.
This is the evil thin about relationships. One moment, you're the rationally thinking, highly intelligent individual, the next, you're a snivelling, paranoid suck-up human.
Why then do we bother? Why have these relationships if we have to suffer through them?
I wrote something, it seems like a year ago now, about, 'The Death of Friendships'. I decried everything that makes us succumb to the desire of fraternity and leave behind individuality to grasp the group identity. Simply put, I said, it's a bad idea to have friends.
The piece didn't put me in good light with my friends, is putting it lightly. It almost made them leave me behind...*grinning*. But this is the issue, I retracted the piece, (sort of), and took back what i said or wrote, but today, I am more or less being proved right.
I am falling in love. I am falling so fast, I don't have time to apply brakes or to contemplate what would happen when I land, for I would surely land. The Pit of Love is not endless despite whatever they tell us.
Falling in love is not a bad idea, it is what has to be done to preserve that love that irks me.
When we love someone, we have to change our manner of speech, action even thought. I love Oscar Wilde and he said, '...always be yourself, every other person is already taken...' i like that. It's true. There is no point in pretending to be who you're not. But when you're in love...you pretend.
Imagine a magazine article saying that basing a relationship on a lie is only a very minuscle percentage against the success of the relationship. I think, it's a very huge percent FOR the success of the relationship!
We lie. For those we love, we lie and cheat. Lie, cheat, pretend.
I think i should write a book, I'll call it, 'Relationships...We Lie, Cheat and Pretend'. It'll probably sell in Asia...*laughing*
All in all, I wonder why we have to do this. Why can't we just be ourselves and still keep the ones we love? Why can't I...?*sigh*
I wonder if she'll see this. I know she would...I wonder what she'll think?
Ha!
It's her again.
This is the evil thin about relationships. One moment, you're the rationally thinking, highly intelligent individual, the next, you're a snivelling, paranoid suck-up human.
Why then do we bother? Why have these relationships if we have to suffer through them?
I wrote something, it seems like a year ago now, about, 'The Death of Friendships'. I decried everything that makes us succumb to the desire of fraternity and leave behind individuality to grasp the group identity. Simply put, I said, it's a bad idea to have friends.
The piece didn't put me in good light with my friends, is putting it lightly. It almost made them leave me behind...*grinning*. But this is the issue, I retracted the piece, (sort of), and took back what i said or wrote, but today, I am more or less being proved right.
I am falling in love. I am falling so fast, I don't have time to apply brakes or to contemplate what would happen when I land, for I would surely land. The Pit of Love is not endless despite whatever they tell us.
Falling in love is not a bad idea, it is what has to be done to preserve that love that irks me.
When we love someone, we have to change our manner of speech, action even thought. I love Oscar Wilde and he said, '...always be yourself, every other person is already taken...' i like that. It's true. There is no point in pretending to be who you're not. But when you're in love...you pretend.
Imagine a magazine article saying that basing a relationship on a lie is only a very minuscle percentage against the success of the relationship. I think, it's a very huge percent FOR the success of the relationship!
We lie. For those we love, we lie and cheat. Lie, cheat, pretend.
I think i should write a book, I'll call it, 'Relationships...We Lie, Cheat and Pretend'. It'll probably sell in Asia...*laughing*
All in all, I wonder why we have to do this. Why can't we just be ourselves and still keep the ones we love? Why can't I...?*sigh*
I wonder if she'll see this. I know she would...I wonder what she'll think?
Ha!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Whatever it means...
I resumed today. Writing has always been second nature to me. Sometimes, I sit alone, people walking past, sometimes even in conversation with me, and all I can do is whip out my phone or a piece of paper with pen and type or write.
Yesterday, with the lines from a bad movie ringing in my ears, I was scared. I had not written anything in a long while and I was almost afraid of a lost talent...or ability? But with the clashing sounds of a strange japanese instrument in my ears and Linkin Park screaming down my pinna, I had no choice.
Art begets art. That's the truest truth in the world. I always, and I mean that, find myself in a creative mood when I hear good music [death to Linkin Park haters], and sometimes even with a good movie or book or art. My best experiences with sex have always been in this creative mood. Indeed, sex is art.
I was sitting on my own today, once again, flipping through my song collection. Then I got to Linkin park's 'Easier to run'. I don't know about you, but the song with it's clashing vocals was enough to rouse something latent in me...even to throw me into near tears. I don't really understand how, but writing things with a certain depth always throws me into such an emotional state, I am close to weeping.
Once I wrote something that actually threw me into a sobbing fit. It was about people's attitude towards sex...imagine!*shrug*
Today though, I think I know what started the fit. What I think, despite my subconcious trying its hardesT to hide it from me, is all about a girl. I wanted to call her and I think I needed a song to put myself into the mood and 'Easier to run', threw me into this.
I've known her for years...in my head. There have been times when I doubt her reality, when she seems like something I cooked up..from dream or fantasy. What is she? Who is this princess that fulfils all my desires?
Even as I type now, my mind wanders and it is her smiling face as I last saw it that resides behind my eyes. The keys of my phonepad blur together and all I see are flashing colours and the eyes which always threaten to engulf me...to take up my entire being into a happiness I'll happily surrender to. Who is she?
I have wondered sometimes if she is some silver wraith sent from somewhere below the underworld, a place more beautiful than Paradise, to tempt me and force me to succumb to her charms and lure until I destroy and explode in a cataclysm of bliss. But I know that is just my over-active imagination. She is a goddess. A special being, created by God to satisfy every desire I may contemplate upon. Created specially for me.
Sometimes I wonder if, like the Golden Fleece and Jason, I am worthy to have her. She seems like a jewel to pretty to be touched by my many times tainted hands. But who knows...she might be my chance for redemption?
Sounds are still banging in my head, now it's 'Jesus of Surburbia' and Green Day smashing that tune out. I love this particular song because of it's unpredictable changeability, it sometimes reminda me of my own soul and mind which switches tracks too often and sometimes with almost no seam of connection. I wonder...
I have almost forgotten her, but can I...she dwells within my heart, I can't leave her, no matter how hard I try. I am alive, perhaps I love?
I have had fleeting moments of passion over the past few years, some lasting weeks, others days, some months and some hours. I have been shocked and jumped, but I have never been broken, not again. Perhaps my artistic heart has decided to break for her. Maybe that is what this is...maybe this is another one of those fleeting pursuits. Maybe...
Yesterday, with the lines from a bad movie ringing in my ears, I was scared. I had not written anything in a long while and I was almost afraid of a lost talent...or ability? But with the clashing sounds of a strange japanese instrument in my ears and Linkin Park screaming down my pinna, I had no choice.
Art begets art. That's the truest truth in the world. I always, and I mean that, find myself in a creative mood when I hear good music [death to Linkin Park haters], and sometimes even with a good movie or book or art. My best experiences with sex have always been in this creative mood. Indeed, sex is art.
I was sitting on my own today, once again, flipping through my song collection. Then I got to Linkin park's 'Easier to run'. I don't know about you, but the song with it's clashing vocals was enough to rouse something latent in me...even to throw me into near tears. I don't really understand how, but writing things with a certain depth always throws me into such an emotional state, I am close to weeping.
Once I wrote something that actually threw me into a sobbing fit. It was about people's attitude towards sex...imagine!*shrug*
Today though, I think I know what started the fit. What I think, despite my subconcious trying its hardesT to hide it from me, is all about a girl. I wanted to call her and I think I needed a song to put myself into the mood and 'Easier to run', threw me into this.
I've known her for years...in my head. There have been times when I doubt her reality, when she seems like something I cooked up..from dream or fantasy. What is she? Who is this princess that fulfils all my desires?
Even as I type now, my mind wanders and it is her smiling face as I last saw it that resides behind my eyes. The keys of my phonepad blur together and all I see are flashing colours and the eyes which always threaten to engulf me...to take up my entire being into a happiness I'll happily surrender to. Who is she?
I have wondered sometimes if she is some silver wraith sent from somewhere below the underworld, a place more beautiful than Paradise, to tempt me and force me to succumb to her charms and lure until I destroy and explode in a cataclysm of bliss. But I know that is just my over-active imagination. She is a goddess. A special being, created by God to satisfy every desire I may contemplate upon. Created specially for me.
Sometimes I wonder if, like the Golden Fleece and Jason, I am worthy to have her. She seems like a jewel to pretty to be touched by my many times tainted hands. But who knows...she might be my chance for redemption?
Sounds are still banging in my head, now it's 'Jesus of Surburbia' and Green Day smashing that tune out. I love this particular song because of it's unpredictable changeability, it sometimes reminda me of my own soul and mind which switches tracks too often and sometimes with almost no seam of connection. I wonder...
I have almost forgotten her, but can I...she dwells within my heart, I can't leave her, no matter how hard I try. I am alive, perhaps I love?
I have had fleeting moments of passion over the past few years, some lasting weeks, others days, some months and some hours. I have been shocked and jumped, but I have never been broken, not again. Perhaps my artistic heart has decided to break for her. Maybe that is what this is...maybe this is another one of those fleeting pursuits. Maybe...
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