Greed

I had one of those days yesterday.
I have always asked of several things from GOD, though I pride myself on not being too greedy, and one of these is the ability to control myself and to establish control over the surroundings.
GOD is gracious.
I always get what I ask.
I wonder if it has been the right thing.
Yesterday, my control was tested. My ability to establish control over all within my reach was examined.
My control over my own self was tested.
To say I acted out of control would be so wrong as to be sinful, on the contrary, I was so in control of both self and circumstance it scares me.
Coolheadedly and with an almost completely detached air, I executed motions I would ordinarily debate, motions and actions I still am not sure were in the best interests of both I and those around me.
I did commit a certain level of sin yesterday. Which makes me wonder not too little if I indeed was the mastermind behind the matters or if I, unknowinly, was and still is the pawn in some horrible scheme.
Maybe I've been bewitched and completely screwed.
The way forward.
This matter bothers me. It is a surprising trait of humans when we seek to achieve certain goals, we strive and push and in the event we reach our mark with a minimum of fuss we are bothered and surprised.
I was surprised. I am bothered.
It is not as though I had any doubts I would be able to achieve what I wanted, it is just that I didn't believe it will work so quickly, and easily.
Thr true test of achievement is this then:
Not merely a matter of reaching a goal aforeplanned, it is a matter of attaining a place once dreamed of with the joy and happiness which stems from fulfilment.
It is that joy that escapes me now.
I have what i wanted, I am just not happy with it.
Of the many constitutions that exist, the seven deadly sins, greed is a predominant factor associated. I fear now, that I am falling for greed.
But ask yourself, is the pursuit of perfection simply a motive for unsatisfying greed? Does a man who seemingly wants more in order to have the best suffer from a simple bout of greediness?
Am I, who has gotten what he wants, but not how he wants it, simply a greedy bastard?
Questions.
I wonder what to make of everything sometimes.
I will accept my fate. My destiny does hold alot more. Right or wrong, that which i need and want, I will get. The road to success I will line with the carcasses of all that stood to oppose me and destroy me and trick me into believing I had arrived. The false signposts will I bring down. More will i want, more will I get. And if I am accused of greed, so be it.
I am Janus afterall.